well no wonder she got pregnant.
[VIOLENTLY THINKS OF HOW CUTE YOU ARE AND HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO HOLD YOU ON A DAILY BASIS]
done with everything. if i had to sum myself up, it would be “done with everything” and if i could, i’d say it in 6 different languages.
fact of the matter is my life has gone to shit. no, that’s an understatement. I feel lower than shit, like the lowest piece of garbage in this entire existence is above me and there’s almost nothing i can do. Im losing more and more, and i feel like I’m about to lose my mind.
I lost my love. I’ve lost my motivation. my days are spent with my limbs feeling weigh down and i just lay down, teary eyed, begging myself to get up. No matter how much i think of happiness, it’s followed by constant reminders. reminders of my failures. my screw ups. My once confident and upbeat spirit beaten down and nothing more than a mere husk. A husk that once loved and was loved, smiled at everyone and had those smiles return, A husk who worked his hardest and believed with it’s torn and battered heart that if it continued, things would turn out for the better.
but they haven’t. not in the least. my anxiety and paranoia drive away those closest to me, and as everything continues to go as is, it continues to do so.I want so much to escape this that i’d even welcome death into my home, share a cup of coffee or tea and a short conversation before i let him take me away from here. even as i write this, my blood continues to boil. Where love was was replaced by sadness, and anxiety. where happiness was now lies pity and self loathing.
my efforts to better myself will always go disregarded or unnoticed, even to my family.MY FAMILY. I shouldn’t have to dread being with my family. especially with my brother, smart for his age of 8 and my sister of 6, also smart and the one person in my house who shares my love of doctor who. someone i can watch and enjoy it with and actually feel comfortable with. Feelings that are drowned out by my idiot brat of a sister who’s idiocy, rudeness and gender bias are constantly in my face., my arrogant prick of a father, who looks down on me just because I’m not him and didn’t grow up with his lifestyle. and my imbecilic ass of a mother, who refuses to listens and who delusions herself that she knows me better than i know myself when all she has ever done is throw assumptions at me and continue to make me feel like and even bigger pile of shit, thinking that it will somehow “fix” me , and make me “more responsible”.
There more i think of my family, the more pained and the more violent and the more hateful my thoughts become. I have never truly hated anyone and even through all the hell they have given me, i continue to love my family and yet…i grow to hate them. to despise them. The more days pass, the more i think of just sticking my mother in the worst retirement home i can find and leaving her there to rot, never telling my Children they even HAVE a grandmother, and possibly writing a truly humiliating death story so that visiting her would never be an issue.
I’ve loved and treated my family with all the love and respect that i could muster and yet they continue to make me feel like i do. inadequate. pathetic. they expect me to wish to spend time with the family and to have fun times with them,but really, i have and it’s nothing more than “let’s take shot’s at isaac because he’s a huge fuck up” hour. I can’t even drive yet. I don’t even have my drivers license because My parents refuse to teach me to drive. when I bring it up they only make fun of me and either say no or make up an excuse.
I can’t find work no matter how hard i look. I’m through volunteering and going to school because it’s doing no more than postponing my life and prolonging my stay here. in this hell. in this circle of hell. the 10th circle of hell, made especially for me.
I can’t tell whether I’m feeling suicidal or not, but i often feel like my death would fix everything. I’d be one less problem. everyone in my family would be happier if i were gone and i wasn’t just this space taken up in the home who’s only real solace is his computer and his cat.Am i really better off dead?
I no longer feel like me anymore…and i feel like i can never go back to being me because it will only bring me more hurt…I dream of making art, but now i can’t even bring myself to draw. to imagine. even the sound of music that inspires so much within me will always be drowned out by the voices in my head. the voices of my family and the voices of my heart, continuing to tell me that getting up is futile and that no matter how hard i try, i will never amount to anything.
Maybe it’s time i just punched in my time card and called it quits…
Welp, all finished. If only I could sleep now.
“calm down, it’s just a spider”
- ♂ = I am a boy who has a crush on you
- ♀ = I am a girl who has a crush on you
- * = just delete your tumblr already
- æ = Post a picture of yourself
- $ = You’re awesome
- # = I love your blog
- @ = You’re beautiful
- + = i hate you.
- % = You’re ugly
- <3 = I want to fuck you
- & = I wish we were close
- ~ = I wish we were friends in real life
- ? = I relate to a lot of the same things you go through (mention which one!)
- ! = You inspire me
Fantastic gallery of pictures of Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Peter Davison, and Colin Baker from the 1984 TARDIS 21 convention
I…. I can’t summarize it just in one sentence…
have a magnificent afternoon people.
seriously, Pat is like a hand puppet and jon pertwee is the ventriloquist xD
OMG IM CRYING
everything will be explained later
watch it be a death trap.
In a fanmail, we each receive a link to a download, it isn’t labeled, but what the hell, you download it.
Once downloaded it autoruns.
“Now Installing Sburb.”
holy shit im installing it right now
what is this?
You Saw This Coming of the Day: CISPA Dies in Senate (Again)
It appears that the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protect Act (CISPA) will not be making its way to President Obama’s Oval Office anytime soon. Despite the passing of the bill in the House on April 17th, CISPA has been once again rejected and shelved by the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation due to privacy concerns. The Obama administration had previously threatened to veto the bill if it were passed in its current form, citing the need for corporations to be “held accountable” for safeguarding citizen’s personal information.
true gender equality
I’VE WAITED YEARS FOR THIS